There is a big difference between lack of movement and patience, and that big difference is FEAR.
Today I learned something pretty remarkable and convicting, that my fear has been responsible for the lack of results as far as support raising is concerned. This whole time I’ve been fooling myself and trying to fool the Father that I was “patiently waiting on Him.”
But how can I wait for a harvest without first planting the seeds?
And now I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’m leaving for Thailand in a couple of weeks and have only managed to get a few people on my team for China. Three to be exact.
This Tuesday I’ll have to talk with my organization, in which the result may be postponing the trip. My heart will be utterly crushed, because I know it’s my fault. The Father is faithful to his promise, but I wasn’t faithful to respond.
Travelers, I honestly don’t know what to do at this point. I’ve seen the Father doing amazing things last minute, but this is something so huge and beyond what I’ve experienced. Usually I’ll sell things to fund myself, but that’s when trips were around $3,000.
Going to China for 11 months will be $27,000.
The most money I’ve ever had to raise. Ever. Not only that, but it’s going to take a team of individuals and families who are willing to invest a piece of their lives. For a 11 months I need people who are willing to commit to intentionally seek the Father on behalf of my team, myself, and our students. I also need those people to be willing to give generously for those 11 months.
Do you see? This is hard to ask of people. It’s uncomfortable to ask, and I’m sure it’s uncomfortable for others to respond.
But it’s also uncomfortable to think about the class of twenty-one students I had and knowing not one had a relationship with the Father.
Even still, fear has a wonderful way of destroying the things you love. I love being able to travel and teach students more than just English, but about a Great Joy that touched my life in 2008 and is still touching it today.
Friends, I’m weeping even as I write this. I don’t know how to defeat this monster of fear. I want to! For the sake of my students that I haven’t even met yet.
So today I want to ask you for help. I’m not sure if a little blog post will do much, but my writing is definitely better than my speaking so it’s worth a shot. I encourage you to ask the Father what He would have you to do, whether it’s lifting up thoughts for me (which I really need), giving me an encouraging word (which I also really need), or giving financially (which I really, really need).
And if you do neither of the above at least share this, please. Maybe someone out there is willing to do them all.
Remember the Chinese