“No size for you. Don’t eat for one month, then you come back.” -Sad Woman
All I was doing was looking through some shirts when out of no where this terribly sad woman decides to swat my hands away and pierce her biting words into my skin.
Why? My best guess is this: she hasn’t the slightest clue on how to love herself.
Surprisingly, my first reaction wasn’t to hate her or bite back. For some reason, for some supernatural, odd reason her comment slid off of me like oil. If anything, I was just shocked that she felt the need to say that.
I walked away, hips still swishing and head still held high. I knew I was beautiful no matter what that sad woman hissed.
Unfortunately, her comment slithered its way back into my mind as I passed by countless stores with sizes too small for me. I didn’t fit-in anywhere and each size XS made me realize that, made me feel guilty for taking up space.
I wasn’t mad at her for making that comment because that’s the kind of stuff sad women say, I was mostly mad at myself for letting her get to me.
I reached out to my friends and they reminded me that I’m beautiful, and that letting her get to me is okay because I’m human and have emotions that are vulnerable to hurt. I knew all of this, but that still didn’t make the aching in my stomach go away.
Slowly, my hips began to forget its language, head found the ground to be more comfortable. More invisible, please, body begged me to forget it existed.
I almost did, almost evaporated right out of there, until I found it–my favorite “big size” store. Everything Changed.
Each purchased piece of fabric, each big-bodied silhouette that fell into my shopping bag mocked the Sad Woman’s comment. Suddenly her words didn’t matter anymore, I was gonna dress this big body. I was gonna make it take up ALL the space in pinks and frills and lace.
This body was gonna show that woman how to love yourself.
I walked out the store with fluent hips, head back in its rightful place, and while this big body was busy floating on top of the world I remembered you, and wept.