More Tests of Faith

​Consider this a test of faith. Im sure you will pass. God loves you so much and He will provide.

This text from my boss’ assistant was both the best thing to hear and the last thing I wanted to hear right now.

Currently I am in Singapore. Stuck. For at least 10 days. 

You’re probably thinking Woohoo! Enjoy yourself, girl!

I’m thinking how the heck do I tell this to my boss and still maintain a job when I return to Thailand. (If I return to Thailand).

I’m trying to get things sorted out with my visa. To make a long story short, all of this mess can be accredited to the visa advisor at my school. She has no idea what she’s doing…well, she had no idea what she was doing with my visa process because everyone else got theirs perfectly fine.

Anyway, I’m tired, annoyed, nearly broke, and letting all of these emotions boil over as I sit in my smelly, tiny, dark pod in this crummy hostel that I thought I’d only inhabit for two days.

I am pissed embodied. 

Then, I get this text message. A smile finds its way to my sullen face, but as quickly as it comes it goes because that text reminded me of all the times I’ve ever been tested.

A few years ago, when I freshly became a follower I prayed that prayer: Lord, increase my faith. I prayed that prayer multiple times, even wore a mustard seed around my neck as a reminder. I thought all of those tests, all of those answered prayers for increased faith finished with my last college payment. Nope. I’m still getting tests, I’m still getting what I asked for long ago.

And honestly, I don’t know why. 

Why, Father, do you continue to test me? What have these tests produced? I still flinch when the smallest of problems arise. Some nights I still have to sleep with the light on. I still doubt my abilities and Your abilities in and around me. Are these tests producing anything more besides tears? Is it not yet time to put down my pencil? I’m tired of failing.

Usually this is where the turning-point would be placed, but, honestly, I have no turning point. I do, however, have road signs along the way that have been helping me get through this.

Although I’m still stuck in this crummy hostel in the most expensive country without a new visa in hand, the Father has been providing in other ways:

  • I made it to Singapore alive.
  • I snagged a cheap shuttle from the airport to the crummy hostel.
  • The crummy hostel has pretty good breakfast and a printer for my printing needs.
  • My mom has been ridiculously helpful, even though I’m 23 and should have my life somewhat together. 
  • I have incredible friends that are willing to financially bless me.
  • Lastly, I have a host of angels on earth praying for me.

I’m not alone here, I’m stuck, but not alone. 

Perhaps this is the answer to this particular test–seeing his presence in the midst of failure.

Is not faith more than simply being victorious?


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