Dating in Korea

So, I’m in Korea now and I’m experiencing all sorts of things, dating be one of them. I think I’ve always had a predisposition to all things romance, all of the mush and gush and butterflies that form with new, delicate love. It can as small as an elementary school crush or a full-blown adult affair: I love, love.

In Thailand dating was basically not even an option for me; every foreigner wanted to date a Thai woman, and Thai men were barely glancing at foreigner women, unless it was to stare at our enormity in contrast to their size.

Yeah, I was sexually dead in Thailand.

Lo’ and behold I enter into this new city and I see couples everywhere, including foreigners! I think to myself, what a wonderful world. I’m convinced that finally at age 25 I’m going to have a normal dating experience, like in all of the movies and romance novels I’ve gobbled up in the past years.

Well, I was kind of right…

I have been able to date-ish here, but it’s been very few and verrrrry far between. Thankfully, I don’t feel as undesirable as I did in Thailand, but I definitely still feel glanced over in other ways besides my size. My beauty doesn’t feel threatened, but my humanity does. Too often I run into men who just want to “try me,” but they have no interest in wanting to know me.

It hurts.

But what hurts most of all is that there was one guy that actually seemed well-meaning, I had so much fun with him, but my insecurity got in the way before anything real could actually form. It fizzled out, but my feelings for him still burn.

I think that’s one lesson that my lack-of-dating life has taught me: best honest with yourself, be honest with the other, and love with no regrets.

Surfing Canoes by Joy Harjo

We’ve felt the winds surf the waves
Alongside the canoe
This is where joy lives
This moment of earth breath
Lifting up with us
Letting us go with us
One blue circle of bliss following another
Like dolphins leaping
To catch sunrise
Making happiness of water We flew in that canoe Through particles of memory
Sea turtles lifting their heads
Catching wind
Their lungs drumming
We lift up from sleep, and you take me in your arms We head out for another wave
And then another

It all started with the flight

JUNE 14, 2013

Today is finally the day.

“And so it begins… I think I feel prepared, but I don’t want to feel over-prepared. I guess in some sense it’s me trying to remind myself to be reliant on God alone. I am only prepared because of God. So I guess I can say yes, YES I am prepared! I am prepared through the Holy Spirit.” -Journal Entry

The whole adventure had not been an easy one, and the difficulty did not stop when I placed my feet in Orlando Airport. My first and middle name did not match that of my passport, just my luck! I was stopped by security, but I refused to sweat. I stood firmly in faith that everything was going to be okay. “You would not bring me this far to leave me,” I repeated over and over to myself. Because God is faithful, I was all cleared to go.

The first flight connected us to Panama, the second flight was on the way to Ecuador…

“Finally we are on our way to Ecuador. It is amazing to be in a plane with the people I spoke about for years! It feels comfortable; I’m not anxious because I have loved and known these people for years… connections will be made for myself and my team. I believe in Your promises. You are making one come true already. I love my team. I love Ecuador. I love You.”

The plane finally lands…

“My tears came flowing as soon as I saw your [Ecuador’s] city lights. I can’t believe I am here! I remember the first time I laid eyes on you, by a mere infomercial.”

The first night was amazing. The whole time I said how much it felt familiar.

…It felt familiar because it was home.

-Dios respira vida en sueños aparentemente imposibles

It all started with a hike (pt. 1)

JUNE 16, 2013

“Todo lo puedo en Cristo que me fortalece.” -Filipenses 4:13

Today I hiked up a monstrous mountain-3,000 feet high! It was only through Christ whom gives me strength that I made it up.

The day began by walking across the bridge that leads to the Shuar villages. Ecuador Bridge

We met with the pastor there-Pastor Gonzales. After we met with the pastor we visited the first church. A part of our visit there required singing “Open the Eyes of My Heart” in front of the entire church. Honestly, it was both nerve-wrecking and awkward, but once I got out of my skin I loved it!

Before sending the children off, “Fierce Mohawk” told his testimony and Pastor Gonzales gave a quick word of encouragement to everyone. The team was then asked to split off into groups–some with the children and some to stay in the church. I wanted to be with the children so bad, but I was too nervous. I decided to just kept my hand down. Pastor Matt (one of the missionaries) asked once more who wanted to go. Thankfully, “Gringo Bama” saw my inner conflict and encouraged me to go with the children. I am incredibly happy that I went. I was afraid that I was not going to be able to connect, but I actually interacted really well with them. Having “Quiet Storm” along my side helped tremendously because she was able to translate for me. I loved every second with the children! I cannot believe my insecurity almost kept me away from being with them.

Coming to this small village allowed me to see I am much more capable than I allow myself to think. I was so afraid of being with the beautiful children because my fear of failing. But God works mightily in our weaknesses. He gave me confidence to interact and love on those beautiful boys and girls. I am so thankful that I got that push; I am so thankful that He believed in me.

Never let fear come between what you love. 

-Dios respira vida en sueños aparentemente imposibles

It all started with Josue’

JUNE 15, 2013

Today I met Josue’…

“As soon as I laid my eyes on that beautiful boy, I cried. He reminded me the boy in my dream [June 6th post]. Today You gave me the best love present–seeing that little boy. I pray that I will see him again. Your promise holds true; connections will be made.”

This was such an incredible experience, to see the same little boy that was in my dream. He literally took my breath away.

*I lost all my pictures, including the one Josue’ and I took together.  I assure you, he was beautiful. 

-Dios respira vida en sueños aparentemente imposibles

It all started with poetry

JUNE 09, 2013

Image

Meet the contemporary Shuar poet Maria Clara Sharupi Jua…

She writes in Spanish and Shuar, a language spoken by the Shuar people. Her poetry is soaked with  imagery from nature and the traditions of her  culture.

Maria shares her inspiration: “‘I write to enable the world to hear the voice of the Shuar people. This is a voice of the jungle, the mountains, rivers, birds, plants, insects, trees, and the sacred waterfalls that are born of our mother and sister earth and are one with the cosmos. I want to convey the wisdom of my ancestors and the orality of my culture that inhabits every syllable I put into writing. While as humans, our blood is all the same colour, our voices are the hues that matter, because they uniquely adorn our language.'”

  • This woman is amazing.
  • Published in numerous literary journals and books: Amanece en Nuestras Vidas, the first anthology of poetry from Ecuadorian indigeneous women writers, and Collar de historias y lunas, an anthology of Latin American female indigenous poets.
  • Conducted poetry readings at various universities and book fairs.
  • Invited as a guest to the 2012 International Poetry Festival of Medellín in Colombia.
  • Served on a team of professional Shuar translators that edited the official translation of the Ecuadorian constitution from Spanish into Shuar Chicham.
  • Member of the World Poetry Movement.
  • Participated in the first International Colloquium of Indigenous Women Writers.

PARADISE CAME

“Drenching myself, like cool rain on mother earth
with the scent of smoke from damp firewood
that tastes like the mountain plains
and the chukirahua flower’s aroma
blends with the birdsong of the paují.

You have no eyes
and you watch like the windstorm
peeling back the contents each paragraph holds
nestling them within your colored pages.

You have no hands
but even so, you shape my senses
and you strip the 21st century, which shelters the years, the days
made of sweet, coarse sounds.

I want to kiss your words
without brushing my lips
where there are no scars
and no curtains to conceal your face.

The freedom of not having you
makes your steadiness intense
coy and playful, you chase my footsteps
like a flowering tree
in a boundless color.

We don’t know if you’re here or not
behind your eyes you hold a thousand tales
always at the tip of the wind’s tidings
like the roar of the jaguar
or perhaps an anaconda
graffiti skin, cloaked in dreams
you don’t remember infinity.

You don’t threaten my childhood dreams
or my speckled nightmares
in a faded metal box
or my bare feet
which refuse to wear high heels
or the fake smiles that unleashed my tears without wounding my soul.

I think of my beloved jungle
vines swaying from tree to tree
a drop of poison resting on an arrowhead
possessed by magic ayahuasca dustwhere the maker of life is born.”

I write poetry as well. It is my voice,  my heart embedded in ink and lead. I wanted to share some with the Shuar, but because of my ignorance I did not think they would understand. After reading Maria’s poem, I am absolutely crippled. The Shuar surely will teach me far more than I could ever teach them.

Maria: “They [foreigners]want to report only on what’s different – not on what we have in common… Poetry is important because it’s our way of life. Poetry is song, everyday life, ritual, and where the heart and soul of the world unite. It’s a form of paying tribute to what exists beyond just what we see. It is also important for keeping the memory of our ancestors alive for our children and their children.”

Poetry unites us. Tethered in metaphors and bound in personifications. It is a language that sits on every nation’s tongue. These words are our bridge to pay homage of each other’s culture, heart, soul, passions, and dreams.

I will not hide my culture, heart, soul, passions, or dreams from you…

-Dios respira vida en sueños aparentemente imposibles

To hear more about Maria and her beautiful poetry: http://www.culturalsurvival.org/publications/cultural-survival-quarterly/when-pen-mightier-sword-shuar-poet-redefines-her-culture

It all started with love

JUNE 08, 2013

It is easy to get caught up in the hype of missions.

  • How many people will get healed?
  • Will numerous souls be saved?
  • Who’s life am I going to change?

Questions like these want to be answered, but it honestly do not matter.

The root of it all is simply love. The incurable disease of unstoppable, unyielding, unconditional love.

To be painfully honest, I often feel intimidated by my fellow team members’ passion. Being free to express themselves seems to come  naturally for them. That is not the case for me. I start to doubt if I will  make an impact. Will the Shuar even notice how much I adore them?

Instead of investigating the roots, I examined the color of the flower…
Instead of seeing the root of love, I grumbled that my expression of  it did not look like theirs. 

Oh, how dull a meadow would be if every flower was the same.

In the midst of sizing up my capabilities, I had to remember that the greatest thing I can ever offer is love. I can have the wisdom of Solomon or the faith of Abraham, but without love I am nothing.

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.” -1 Corinthians 13:1-3

For the next few days and for the duration of the trip this is what I need to constantly remember:

  1. My words will wither and my good works will fade away, but love is always here to stay.
  2. I love Ecuador! And love is not all I can do, it is everything I can do!
  3. Love is all I need. He will give me the words to speak. He will grant me the boldness I need. He moves in love.
  4. Love is the reason. Love is the mission.

Love is why I am going to Ecuador…

-Dios respira vida en sueños aparentemente imposibles

Sólo un vistazo

JUNE 06, 2013

Sólo un vistazo…

Nine more days!!!

Currently, I am experiencing every emotion under the sun. For the first time I have no words. Words are inadequate.

What to say when you see your very dream unfolding in front of your eyes?

What does a mother say when she first holds her young? Absolutely nothing. She takes in every once of beauty her eyes allow her to behold. Heart beat speaks with eloquence and arms finish sentences.

When it comes to love, sometimes words are cheap.

What I can seem to utter is that… I hope I can connect. All I ask is that her gaze will cut straight through me- into parts I have only allowed God and her to witness. I want her to be pleased with what I have to offer. I do not have strength. I do not have wisdom. What I do have is this immense love. For I do not come with an agenda to teach, I come with the objective to love.

I may not be able to converse with native tongue, but unyielding love is a language that can never be misunderstood…

Cita del Día

MAY 31, 2013

“We can reach our world, if we will. The greatest lack today is not people or funds. The greatest need is prayer.” -Wesley Duewel

Monday and Tuesday (June 3-4) my team will be fasting and praying for our trip. Please join us in faith that God will do amazing things in the lives of the beautiful Shuar people…

To find out more: http://seuecuador.wordpress.com/2013/05/29/two-day-fast-for-ecuador/”>http://seuecuador.wordpress.com/2013/05/29/two-day-fast-for-ecuador/